last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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