I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize