Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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