his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize