I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize