She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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