She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
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Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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