it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize