Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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