She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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