Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize