Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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