My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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