Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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