I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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