It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize