I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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