I love having hate sex.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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