Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i love accidental penises.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
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He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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