it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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