god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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