i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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