he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize