You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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