Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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