Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize