Can i not drive my cunt home
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize