Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Boobs speak an international language.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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