Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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