I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Fuck appropriateness.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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