I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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