I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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