Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize