I think I died a long time ago.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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