the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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