You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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