I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize