I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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