my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
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Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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