the condom got lost in my hair
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize