I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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