New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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