You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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