Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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