Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (904): View more from Florida

  It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'

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  (904): Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum' (1-904): wtf? (904): It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend' http://tfl.nu/kgyk
  Replies (14) Good night (4277) Bad night (750)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I could make wine with my vomit

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  (503): I could make wine with my vomit http://tfl.nu/9wng
  Replies (4) Good night (666) Bad night (2644) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.

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  (734): similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well. http://tfl.nu/7lvz
  Replies (143) Good night (4233) Bad night (782)
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  (925): View more from California

  just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook

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  (925): just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook http://tfl.nu/1a75
  Replies (32) Good night (3762) Bad night (2143) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.

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  (859): I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron. http://tfl.nu/eae7
  Replies (30) Good night (4491) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.

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  (732): I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents. http://tfl.nu/w4fz
  Replies (15) Good night (4873) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning

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  (347): I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning http://tfl.nu/a79g
  Replies (10) Good night (4719) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.

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  (912): He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/csjq
  Replies (21) Good night (5626) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars

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  (845): im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars http://tfl.nu/ybwb
  Replies (37) Good night (1684) Bad night (4606) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.

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  (903): I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron. http://tfl.nu/xifm
  Replies (4) Good night (2012) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.

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  (978): the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase. http://tfl.nu/thr7
  Replies (11) Good night (1023) Bad night (1861) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?

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  (805): Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin? http://tfl.nu/mg03
  Replies (7) Good night (505) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
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  (874): View more from

  I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!

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  (874): I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night! http://tfl.nu/sa7u
  Replies (8) Good night (1245) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?

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  (416): Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best? http://tfl.nu/9x4p
  Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (177)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.

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  (717): I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop. http://tfl.nu/nm3k
  Replies (0) Good night (213) Bad night (396)

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