I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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