dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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