I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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