Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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