New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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